


Dearest

by vassalady



Category: Finishing School - Gail Carriger, Parasol Protectorate - Gail Carriger
Genre: Discussion of Death, Established Relationship, F/F, Mild Sexual Content, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 10:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3606963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vassalady/pseuds/vassalady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sidheag becomes a werewolf, she invites Agatha to visit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dearest

**Author's Note:**

> I can't quite remember the timeline of Changeless and full werewolf lore in the books, so please forgive some inconsistencies with canon. (Although being posted before the last book of the Finishing School series, there could be outrageous inconsistencies with that as well in the end.)

The day after Sidheag finally turned back to a human, even with all the chaos of vampire drones and pregnant adulterous preternaturals (to be fair, only one drone at all and only one pregnant preternatural), she wrote Agatha.

In her letter, she shared the news of her transformation (however, she left out the gory details). Although Sidheag couldn’t know whether the news would break before Agatha received her letter (and the first female werewolf in who knew how long would be news), it was best if she tried to tell her herself. 

Agatha wrote back quickly, the letter arriving very shortly after Sidheag had kicked her maybe not quite good-for-nothing grandad out. (He had turned her, after all, but his moping was useless.)

 _My dearest Sidheag,_ Agatha wrote in her familiar looped script, _I cannot begin to say how happy I am for you. How long have you spoken about undertaking the risk? Since the very first night of our long gone schooldays, I’m sure. I apologize for the intrusion, but may I ask to visit as soon as is your convenience? It has been too long, and I know the ordeal is trying._

_I await your next correspondence with pleasure. As always, your dearest friend, most loved and assuredly, Agatha_

Sidheag did not invite her for a number of months. While Agatha’s visits always coincided with the end and the beginning of the full moon (she did not like to stay during the pack’s delicate condition, as Agatha had said,) Sidheag was still becoming accustomed to her own new condition. The moons were rough; even growing up seeing the terrible strain it put on her pack’s bodies, understanding they were forcibly tearing themselves apart and being rebuilt, it was nothing compared to actually feeling that pain. And although she was good at disguising it, a few days before and a few days after left Sidheag feeling both worn and feral, a strange combination that she was not used to nor could yet control.

It would be a great many years before she would risk changing so close to the moon at all, and a great many years after that that she would change with the ease her grandfather did the day of the full moon.

At last, however, she arranged for Agatha to visit, a stay of only two short weeks instead of her usual three. Agatha wrote back delighted, and when the time came, Sidheag sent out a claviger to collect Agatha and escort her to the castle. (Agatha had always been far more comfortable around the clavigers than the wolves, likely because she could not help but think how they wandered around without a stitch all too often. The first of Agatha’s visits, when they were still such young girls, had involved half-muffled squeaks, red faces, and hiding in corners.)

Sidheag greeted Agatha in the hall, her pack at attention at her heels. Agatha was as lovely as she ever was, just as round, just as bright, and with just as heart-rendingly beautiful a smile as she always had. She had a few more lines crossing her face, as did Sidheag. They were much older than they had been as girls, and they had taken what time they could have together over the years while maintaining their respective responsibilities.

Only now, Agatha would continue to age and Sidheag would not.

It was the only thing that Sidheag didn’t quite regret but felt a loss for. It would be some years before the difference was noticeable, but once it was, it would only increase in severity. One day, Sidheag would have to bid goodbye to Agatha altogether. But it would not be for many years and didn’t merit dwelling on. It was often a fact of life itself; supernatural life just experienced it in a slightly different fashion.

She greeted Agatha with enthusiasm and a warm hug. Agatha clung to her tightly for a long moment before breaking away. “You look wonderful, my dearest,” Agatha said softly, eyes running along Sidheag’s face. “But are you getting enough rest?”

“No need to fuss,” Sidheag said roughly. “Come, settle in and rest. Your room is prepared.”

The wolves and clavigers greeted Agatha with a warm, “My lady.”

There was little need for pretense. For years, they knew Agatha was pack, from observation and scent, and that was the end of the discussion had there ever been one at all. Now, with Sidheag to formally accept Alpha position as a proper werewolf, they were as deferent to Agatha as ever. It was not spoken about; it just simply was.

Only when she was sure Agatha had ample time to settle in did she call upon her. It was not proper conduct, certainly, but when had Sidheag and Agatha ever been proper with each other?

Agatha was clearly expecting her and welcomed Sidheag into her rooms. Alone now, for the first time since her arrival, Agatha lost some of her timidness and swept Sidheag into her arms. “I was so worried,” she said against Sidheag’s neck, and it was startling to find her crying. “I know you’ve wanted this for so long and so strongly, but Sidheag, dearest, you might have told me first?”

Sidheag spoke roughly, but she held Agatha tightly to her. “And tell you what, that I was most likely to die soon? I hadn’t the time, and you’d have just worried. Better it be over and done with, either way.”

That was not strictly true. For a long time, Sidheag knew she would ask Lord Maccon to change her when she could stand to look at him again. The mummy and pack unrest just prompted an opportunity. Sidheag did not have to demand the moment she did, and she could have told Agatha. But Sidheag didn’t want to.

She didn’t want Agatha there or even thinking about her should she die. Even though Sidheag had believed she could do it, she could survive the change, she knew the odds said she wouldn’t. And the process had been horrifying. Agatha would not have been able to stand seeing Sidheag almost eaten alive.

“That’s my choice, Sidheag.” Agatha pulled back to meet Sidheag’s gaze. Her eyes were shining with tears, and they ran messily down her cheeks. Agatha sniffed. “You know how much I love you. And I am, I am happy for you, but if I’d lost you without knowing-!” She hiccupped on a sob, and Sidheag ran a thumb underneath Agatha’s eye, wiping the tears away.

“I apologize,” Sidheag said, voice unusually gentle. “But you knew I was going to try one day.”

Agatha wiped her other eye. “I know,” she said, with another sniff and a hiccup. “And it’s the only reason I didn’t rush up here as soon as I heard.”

Sidheag smiled at that. Agatha was too timid, too conscientious, and too-well trained as a lady to impetuously travel from London to Scotland without prearranged plans. Although Sidheag would not have minded at all, Agatha did not want to barge in uninvited on Sidheag, even though she was closer to no one.

“Come dashing to my rescue, would you?” Sidheag teased her. “Wouldn’t mind that.”

“Sidheag, dearest!” Agatha said, shocked, delighted, and blushing prettily. “You of all people don’t need rescue. Especially not… now.”

Agatha could kill a man in a number of different ways if she really applied herself (she did finish, if only just, and perhaps even more to her own amazement than anyone else’s, but never took to patronage or marriage,) but she had always preferred to let Sidheag do the gallivanting while she entertained. However, the thought did thrill Sidheag, privately, of Agatha throwing a knife to protect Sidheag and her honor.

Yes, it pleased her more to think she could now turn into a wolf and rip his throat out, but that didn’t take away from the previous fantasy.

“Thank you for coming, Agatha.” Sidheag took Agatha’s hands in her own and brought them up to her breast, right above her heart. “I’m sorry to have worried you, but as you can see, it worked out. I did it. I survived.” Here, Sidheag could not quite contain her own excitement over this fact, her joy that her long held dream was finally realized. And to make everything perfect, here was Agatha, with her, and Sidheag noticed so much more about her. She could see the almost invisible freckles that dotted Agatha’s nose as clear as day; underneath Agatha’s perfume, she could smell her own scent, and Sidheag couldn’t get enough of it. Holding Agatha close this whole time, she had been taking it in, marking it across her memory. She would know Agatha a mile away in wolf form now, and it warmed Sidheag’s heart to know that. She could hear Agatha’s breath catch as if she had gasped aloud when Sidheag kissed her, and she could even imagine she felt the blood rushing underneath Agatha’s skin, even with all those clothes in the way.

They knew each other’s body intimately, yet now both had new territory to discover. Sidheag herself grew a little more hair and moved a little more smoothly and quicker than Agatha recalled.

At times, Sidheag grew frustrated with fashion and all its layers. Other times, she loved undressing Agatha, and with this new exploration, this was one of those times.

Agatha’s scent grew as Sidheag undressed her, and when they lay naked together, Sidheag pressed her face against Agatha’s soft, full belly. Agatha stroked Sidheag’s hair as Sidheag kissed her way between Agatha’s legs. When Agatha gasped and writhed and begged Sidheag to keep going, Sidheag huffed out a laugh against Agatha’s thigh, and they both ended up giggling like schoolgirls again.

They touched each other long into the night with hands and mouths and fingers and toes. When the sun came up, and any sensible supernatural or person of influence were well in bed, Sidheag and Agatha still lay awake.

It took more effort these days, to stay up into the morning hours, but they had such little time together, it was always worth it. No longer could Sidheag go out for early morning strolls when the grounds were at their most quiet, although she would again, but not yet and not for a long time. However, they slept, washed, and dressed in time to catch a few private moments between sunset and when the rest of the pack came back from their evening drills. 

They walked arm in arm, strolled through the gardens and close to the wood, and they let their hands rest intimately upon the other’s arm. They took solace in the silence, broken only by the distant calling from the last of the drills. When they began their walk back to the castle, Agatha paused.

“I am truly happy for you,” she said, “and I will love you forever, Sidheag, my dearest.”

“And I you, Agatha.” Sidheag leaned into Agatha’s gentle touch as she stroked her cheek. “Thank you for coming. I wasn’t sure if…” Sidheag glanced away, embarrassed at showing such nervous emotion in front of Agatha, even after all these years. She was forward, direct, compared to the ladies Agatha normally associated with, but the uncertainty had bubbled underneath her skin, like a scream that she couldn’t voice, until she had held Agatha in her arms once more.

“Always,” Agatha said with a smile. “I will always come for you, my dearest.” She leaned in. “And I do want to see you, one day when you’ll let me, in your lupine form.”

Things would be different; were Sidheag not such a young werewolf, were she not Alpha, maybe the changes wouldn’t be so great, but that was not the case. The changes weren’t too apparent at the moment, and by the time they would be, this would be their new normal.

Whatever the future held, Sidheag was Agatha’s dearest beloved and Agatha hers.


End file.
